Jun 13: "Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear." -- Thomas Jefferson

Jun 11: "The wise win before the fight, while the ignorant fight to win." -- Bruce Brandes

May 19: "Impossible is just a word people use to make themselves feel better about giving up." -- Jonathan Stinson via Stephen Wilds

May 16: "It makes me sad. Or as sad as I possibly can be. Which is very content with a realistic glint in my eye." -- me

Mar 31: "I like news tickers. They're great for people with short attention spans. Maybe they even create short attention spans." -- Amy Deardoff

Mar 21: "Simpler minds occasionally need to misunderstand in order to function." -- me

Mar 16: "Did you vote with the majority... and stay home? Nice going. I bet you'll vote next time hippie!" -- tshirthell.com

Mar 6: "I was blinded by the truth that I did not yet know." -- me to Jen

Mar 1: "There is no real exisitence without the hands of time molesting me." -- Shonda Wilson

Feb 26: "Put a saddle on it and ride it!" -- Jessi Jaime

Feb 23: "You're a cold, heartless bastard, and to a degree, I appreciate that. With friends like you, who needs enemies?" -- anonymous description of me

Feb 22: "We are what we are. To wish to be another is stupid. To work towards your personal perfection is a noble goal." -- Ernie Dodds

Feb 15: "If you can't trust your Livejournal custom friends groups, who can you trust?!" -- Jen Fordham

Feb 9: "I have longer uptime records than relationship records." -- Brett Norris

Feb 2: "The two people with the best healthcare in the world: the President and the Pope." -- me

Jan 30: "Just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean it can't kill you." -- synopsis for Alone in the Dark

Jan 25: "The only thing more predictable than the Braves winning another division title is sportswriters predicting that the Braves won't win another division title." -- Joe Sheehan

Jan 19: "I'm sure you will conquer your interview with bulldozing intellect and charisma." -- Rachel Sealy

Jan 17: "Everything is quiet except for all the voices in my head that say your name." -- Saybia ("Beautiful Stranger")

Jan 9: "Anyone who slaps a 'this page is best viewed with Browser X' label on a Web page appears to be yearning for the bad old days, before the Web, when you had very little chance of reading a document written on another computer, another word processor, or another network." -- Tim Berners-Lee

Jan 6: "Everything I lack in style is made up with how I feel." -- from "Undivided" by Thirteen Senses

Jan 4: "You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next." -- Tom Leezak's Dad (Raymond Barry) in Just Married

Jan 2: "I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better." -- Mark (Peter Sarsgaard) in Garden State

Dec 18: "What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change; it's the currency of the world." -- - Dan (Jude Law) in Closer

Dec 14: "Everyone is biased; that's unavoidable. It's how people don't take any care throwing around their opinions that gives bias a bad reputation." -- me

Dec 10: "Love is not only blind but deformed." -- Scott Holleran

Dec 6: "You just shake it all you want, baby. I'll get it when you're done." -- Ruth Jackson (to me, 12/4/2004 in Chattanooga)

Dec 1: "Everybody that is just is called to form part of the Kingdom of Heaven -- whether they be Buddhas, Jews, or Atheists -- as long as they are good." -- Pope John Paul II

Nov 27: "Heaven is a bad concept, because if you do good things just to get into Heaven then everything you do becomes a selfish act..." -- Natalie Portman

Nov 24: "Either everyone thinks I'm wrong, or they think I'm an idiot for being right." -- me (on speaking grammatically correctly)

Nov 19: "The enemy of my enemy is an ally, not a friend." -- me

Nov 18: "Sweet tea rocks your ass up and down the road like a ten foot dildo." -- Stephen Wilds

Nov 17: "Never, ever play leapfrog with a unicorn." -- unknown

Nov 11: "I am awesome because I just jumped the chicken!" -- me

Nov 8: "If someone could wake me up when it's time to graduate, that would be great." -- Ashley Schoening

Nov 5: "Large-scale media and government conspiracies are impossible, because they require perfect complicity among far too many imbeciles." -- me

Nov 4: "Homosexuality was invented by a straight world dealing with it's own bisexuality." -- Kate Millet

Nov 3: "You know what's great about global warming? Skirts last till November!" -- me

Nov 2: "And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerve in the brain of Jupiter. But may we hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding, and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated reformer of human errors." -- Thomas Jefferson

Nov 1: "It's also been proven historically that everytime a George Bush has been in office, he's only served one term." -- Brett Norris

Oct 25: "You know, I never realized how cool Reba McEntire was." -- Ashley

Oct 20: "No political party will ever thoroughly and consistently represent any single person's views over the long run." -- me

Oct 12: "If a man's head is between a woman's legs and it takes her that long to get off, it's not the woman who should be the object of ridicule." -- Amy D.

Sep 29: "There are things in your house after a flood that a crackwhore wouldn't let into her house." -- Neal Boortz, 9/29/2004

Sep 26: "Most cultures have come to be systems in which the people are not as important as their social and economic places." -- Ernie Dodds

Sep 24: "Livejournal is like a satanic gateway to indirect drama."-- Dustin Robinson

Sep 23: "What makes the world go 'round? Money, sex, and love ain't got nothing on the conservation of angular momentum!" -- Fig Newton

Sep 22: "I'm a thespian trapped in a student government president's body." -- me

Sep 19: "My finger won't fit in that hole." -- Dalila Piña
"I don't think you're supposed to touch that, Dalila." -- Sheena Daugherty

Sep 15: "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner!" -- Sara

Sep 13: "We don't exist unless we are deeply and sensually in touch with that which can be touched but not known." -- D.H. Lawrence

Sep 6: "There's a fine line between confidence and egotism; I try to dance on it." -- me

Sep 3: "Insanity is a state of mind relative to the norm." -- me

Sep 1: "If you have no well wishes, don't throw your penny into the well." -- me

Aug 29: "If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?" -- Imogen Heap

Aug 28: "You thought the Braves were going to trip and fall? Well the trip is another postseason invite, and the fall is another October full of baseball." -- Jeannie Zelasco

Aug 4: "Life's wheel runs over whoever stands in its way. Remove yourself from the tracks of the thing." -- David Clark

Jul 29: "A Slashdotter who didn't build his own computer is like a Jedi who didn't build his own lightsaber." -- Nick Brown

Jul 23: "I knew he was sleeping because his eyes were closed." -- ?

Jul 13: "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." -- Macbeth (William Shakespeare)

Jul 7: "I still love the Democratic Party -- the party of Roosevelt and Truman and Kennedy. But the more screaming and ranting I hear, the more I wonder whether those Democratic heroes of old would find much to be proud of today." -- Zell Miller

Jul 5: "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." -- Tiger Woods

Jun 27: "There will always be violence and suffering in the world, and Michael Moore will always be there to make a buck off of it." -- Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller

Jun 23: "Ignorant prejudice has no boundaries." -- me, paraphrasing John Smallwood

Jun 20: "The fact that journalists are more likely to see a conservative tilt in the news than a liberal one...could be a sign of liberal bias." -- Committee of Concerned Journalists and Project for Excellence in Journalism

Jun 11: "Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence." -- Ronald Reagan (1/7/1970)

Jun 9: "The difference between a republic and a people's republic is a lot like the difference between a jacket and a straight jacket." -- Ronald Reagan

Jun 6: "His work here is done, and now a shining city awaits him. God Bless Ronald Reagan." -- George W. Bush

May 31: "A work of art or an effort to create beauty was always regarded by some people as a personal attack." -- John Hurt, Art of Noise, "The Holy Egoism of Genius"

May 27: "What the hell is wrong with people today that this degradation of a few prisoners is so much worse than cold-blooded terrorism?" -- me

May 23: "Life: the whim of several billion cells to be you for a while." -- unknown

May 21: "Breast implants are the mammarial equivalent of clown shoes." -- Steve Cutchen (AFAIK)

May 11: "Hurting someone emotionally never feels good, but you can't just hold them up by doing what they want. You have to want it to." -- me, 5/10/2004

Apr 22: "I smell like a nonsmoker!" -- Kim Hollins

Apr 4: "Staple to your little heart's content, my dear." -- Keesha Winfrey

Apr 3: "Trying to save daylight by messing with the clock is like trying to make yourself taller by cutting off your head and standing on it." -- unknown

Apr 1: "I sometimes feel like it is April Fool's Day every day here on Capitol Hill and at the other end of Pennsylvania Avenue at the White House." -- Hillary Clinton

Mar 15: "It really pisses me off when people use my God to judge other people." -- Andrew Ollikainen

Mar 9: "I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." -- George Burns

Mar 3: "I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay." -- The Postal Service, "Such Great Heights"

Feb 24: "You have entered a dimension of time, death, and cookies." -- my Fluxx tshirt (get yours here)

Feb 18: "Actions speak louder than words, including the ones in our heads." -- me

Feb 16: "I got phlegm!" -- Jessica Zimerle

Feb 13: "Regurgitation is apparently my forté. Always the philosopher, never the artist." -- me

Feb 2: "Cows can be sexy." -- Me "You can say that again!" -- Bull

Jan 18: "We are talking about revolution, not revelation; you can miss the target by shooting to high as well as too low." -- Saul D. Alinsky, Rules for Radicals

Jan 10: "I don't want to cause any jeopardy to quiz bowl." -- Keesha Winfrey

Dec 28: "Dude -- the Big 12 is afraid of the Big 12! It's the only conference out there that, if all the conferences met in an alley, would kick its own ass."-- Bryan S.

Dec 2: "He wouldn't respect a gal who didn't have the decency to use proper English when she wanted him to stick his business where the sun doesn't shine." -- The Onion

Nov 30: "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." -- Soren Kierkegaard

Nov 20: "Definitions are not absolute; they are merely derivations of assumptions based on consistent correlations (and agreement on the definitions). -- me, 11/20/2003

Nov 16: "Life is about caution, determination, effort, and not knowing what comes next. Life is about baby steps." -- me, 11/16/2003

Oct 31: "I'll bite the hand that feeds me if it tries to force something down my throat." -- me, for reasons that may or may not be explained later

Oct 22: "The desire for the encoded illusion of pleasure is inherent in their programming." -- me, explaining why Persephone and the Merovingian desire a kiss and a blowjob, respectively

Oct 6: "You should call all the girls you almost asked out and then found out were married and had kids and take them all out for a MILF lunch." -- Clarissa Grayson

Sep 29: "I find myself questioning if I over-estimate your intellegence." -- Gracen Strong, to me (who else?)

Sep 18: "I have no idea what this is all about, but I disagree completely." -- me

Sep 15: "You are educated beyond your intelligence." -- one of my professor's professors

Sep 9: "What I want is what I've not got, but what I need is all around me." -- Dave Matthews Band, "Jimi Thing"

Sep 6: "Politics has become so dirty and ugly that good people are staying out of it." -- my dad

Aug 26: "For every grammatical mistake you find in my article, you may kill me." -- me, to Clarissa, who is also the school paper's copy editor

Aug 19: "I didn't realize they had ethnic people in Idaho." -- Clarissa Grayson

Aug 17: "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of all who threaten it." -- US Navy commercial

Aug 13: "She shows you her carry-on baggage, but you have no idea what she has checked!" -- Zach Brock

Aug 11: "I love God! He's so deliciously evil!" -- Stewie

Aug 1: "When I discovered that The Matrix was a trilogy, I should have known right away that the series was an open attack on my three-headed God: the angry Father, His loving Son, and their flying sidekick with superhero powers, the Holy Ghost." -- Brother Harry Hardwick

Jul 30: "Most of the time, being a writer means sitting in front of a computer and fighting against the urge to play Minesweeper." -- Max Barry

Jul 24: "We grow... and learn... and bash our head against the wall and say 'shit'." - Dalila Piña

Jul 22: "The hubris of foresight lends to costly mistakes, but the wisdom of hindsight does not include a time machine." -- me

Jul 18: "I'm turning 21, and I'm ignoring the real world until I'm satisfied with the new number." -- me

Jul 14: "Though the silenced opinion be an error, it may, and very commonly does, contain a portion of truth; and since the general or prevailing opinion on any subject is rarely or never the whole truth, it is only by the collision of adverse opinions that the remainder of the truth has any chance of being supplied." -- John Stuart Mill, from On Liberty

Jul 8: "Against all logic and instinct, sometimes the best thing to do is to just let go of the controls. Just experience the moment without attempting to control it. It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you don't want to do something. It simply means you care enough that you want to do the right thing, and not just anything." -- Dave Stroup

Jun 23: "Being a lesbian would be so great: it's like being a man, only with less embarrassing genitals." -- Jeff Murdock from "Coupling", via Tony D.

Jun 15: "If he calls me a Republican again, wash his mouth out with soap." -- me

Jun 13: "In war, the end almost always justifies the means." -- Saul Alinsky

Jun 8: "The first is about birth. The second about life. The third about death. I don't know though. Maybe it should be called The Matrix Resurrection." -- Keanu Reeves

May 29: "[The Matrix] conveys the dark, goofy thrill of reading Milton or Dante when you're really stoned." -- Bruce Sterling, "Every Other Movie Is the Blue Pill" (from Exploring the Matrix)

May 21: "[The] entire surface of the earth will be completely blanketed with AOL CDs by the end of 2007." -- The Lemon's History of the Internet

May 14: "I'm cursed to be a lover of that which I can learn the most from, not covet its beauty." -- me, conversation with Diana

May 7: My sister says, "Please! I have more morality in my pinky finger than most church-goers!" And I say, "Is that where you keep it?"

May 5: "Oh my God! That is so disgustingly cute!" -- Diana Foster

May 4: "Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC Editor 1969-1998

May 3: "You're making me excited, and I don't say that to guys too often!" -- Rory Andrews

May 2: "I should go to bed, but there are pictures of naked women on the internet." -- Clarissa Grayson

May 2: "Get a bikini wax; I like a clean work space." -- Macaulay Culkin on "Will & Grace", 5/1/2003

Apr 26: "Just play your cards and enjoy your hand." -- Diana Foster, great advice for guys everywhere

Apr 11: "I think that's the first time I called someone a fancy pants in my life. I rock!" -- Rory Andrews

Apr 4: "it's easier to run / replacing this pain with something numb / it's so much easier to go / than face all this pain here all alone" -- Linkin Park, "Easier to Run" (Meteora, 2003)

Mar 29: "Only God may judge Osama bin Laden. It's our job to arrange the meeting." -- unknown

Mar 28: "You know the world has gone crazy when the top rapper is white, the top golfer is black, the French think we're arrogant, and Germany doesn't want to join in a war." -- Chris Rock

Mar 26: "A large number of people on this planet, to whom the comfort and security of a middle-class life is utterly unknown, find war and a barracks existence a step up rather than a step down." -- Robert Kaplan, The Coming Anarchy (p.44)

Mar 22: "Off the coast of South Korea, hundreds of US Marines spent the night glued to a mess hall television watching the war in Iraq -- and feeling a little left out." -- AP via Taiwan News, 3/21/2003

Mar 18: "The United Nations Security Council has not lived up to its responsibilities, so we will rise to ours." -- President George W. Bush, 3/17/2003

Mar 17: "Filetrading is as immoral as jaywalking." -- anonymous Slashdot user

Mar 13: "Let me stay where the wind will whisper to me, where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story." -- Evanescence, "Imaginary" (Fallen, 2003)

Mar 7: "When it comes to our security... we really don't need the United Nations' approval... We really don't need anybody's permission." -- George W. Bush, 3/6/2003

Feb 25: "I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you, but who can decide what they dream?" -- Evanescence, "Taking Over Me" (Fallen, 2003)

Feb 20: "Live for the moment -- it doesn't stay around for long." -- Andy Shellam, 2003

Feb 19: "It is a shocking experience to realize that your friends are either mindless, deluded, or malevolent." -- Stephen Pollard, London Times

Feb 17: "Anyone who claims that the United States is trying to get cheap oil, or free oil, by invading Iraq is foolish." -- Jimmy Carter, 12/9/2002 in Oslo, Norway, before accepting Nobel Peace Prize

Feb 9: "May the most that you desire be the least that you accomplish -- in baseball, as in life." -- Cal Ripken Sr, a toast at Cal Jr's wedding

Feb 6: "I wouldn't want you if you could be utterly dependent on me. I can't make that many decisions." -- me, to Audrey, 2/5/2003

Feb 2: "Ignorance is no excuse for being stupid." -- me, 2/2/2003 in conversation with Audrey

Feb 1: "Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt." -- Herbert Hoover

Jan 31: "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." -- Will Rogers

Jan 28: "There are many in this chilly world who would not care to part, / Tho' they dwell together in one home, and ought to have one heart, / And yet they live!" -- Caroline Norton, "They Loved One Another"

Jan 25: "It's like the fly telling the swatter not to swat or else." -- me, 1/25/2003

Jan 20: "My mind can only handle one thing at a time, and right now it's resting!" -- Dalila and me, 1/19/2003

Jan 15: "I've got my mind on the peace and security of the American people, and politics will sort itself out." -- George W. Bush

Jan 14: "I know I'm fucked up and got a lot to learn / So I'm dancing in the ashes of the bridges I burned" -- Crazy Town, "Change" (Darkhorse, 2002)

Jan 11: "The government does not create wealth [nor] create jobs, but...create[s] the environment in which firms and entrepreneurs will take risks, innovate, invest, and hire more people." -- Dick Cheney

Jan 9: "Just think: if you were my homework, I would be doing you right now!"

Dec 24: "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes!" -- unknown

Dec 21: "The wisdom of hindsight should come with a time machine." -- me, 12/20/2002 to my dad

Dec 19: "If God intended for us to understand each other, we wouldn't have voices." -- me, some months ago

Dec 15: "To love and lose is the most wasteful experience life has to offer." -- me, 12/15/2002

Dec 7: "If God had been a liberal, we'd have had the Ten Suggestions." -- Rush Limbaugh

Nov 28: "You didn't think that I could change; I proved you wrong and walked away. Only I control the way that I reply... I only wish that I was someone else to you." - Course of Nature, Superkala, "Someone Else To You"

Nov 15: "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." -- Max Ehrmann

Nov 12: "I've been battling the system for 10 years, and now I am the system. Is this a great country or what?" -- Senator Dean Barkley

Nov 11: "It's somehow fitting that the war is likely to start on the birthday of the original President George W." -- James Taranto

Nov 7: "Is this the Bushification of America?!" -- Dan Rather, (obviously not) in a fit of bias, less than pleased with election results

Nov 7: "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

Nov 7: "Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have." -- Thomas Jefferson

Nov 7: "Liberals, it has been said, are generous with other peoples' money, except when it comes to questions of national survival when they prefer to be generous with other people's freedom and security." -- William F. Buckley

Nov 5: "It's like Florida 2000 all over the place!" -- me

Nov 3: "We can argue about the marginal tax rates after we’ve ensured that our civilization survives." -- James Lileks

Oct 31: "One of the requirements of a healthy party is that it renews itself. You can't keep running Walter Mondale for everything." -- Walter Mondale, refusing to run for U.S. Senate in 1989

Oct 29: "The eternal truths that have inspired religion(s) have survived its frequent institutional follies." -- Hudson Smith, The Illustrated World's Religions

Oct 22: "Dreams were never meant to come true -- that's why they're dreams." -- me

Oct 21: "The only spiteful goal I have ever set is to rub my happiness in the faces of all who thought it was impossible." -- me

Oct 16: "To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." -- Bertrand Russell

Oct 14: "The difference between saying what you mean and meaning what you say is your reaction to something unexpected." -- me

Oct 13: "If God intended for us to understand each other, we wouldn't have voices." -- me

Oct 11: "Everybody needs somebody; you're not the only one." -- Guns n Roses, "November Rain"

Oct 8: "Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sep 28: "Cold objectivity, without the barometer of emotion, deprives us of our moral compass." -- Amazon.com Review of Martha C. Nussbaum's Upheavals of Thought

Sep 20: 'Just as "tolerance" doesn't mean "abdication of one's value system in order to accept another's", neither does "understanding" mean "agreement".' - Tommy Thompson

Sep 17: "...and I laugh at myself / while the tears roll down / cause it's the world I know -- it's the world I know." -- Collective Soul, "The World I Know", 1995

Sep 6: "Politicians are like diapers: both need to be changed regularly and for the same reason." -- modified, unknown origin

Sep 4: "Grass was made to be walked on -- it's the sidewalk that doesn't belong there." -- me

Aug 30: "Isn't it funny how people say they'll never grow up to be their parents, then one day they look in the mirror and they're moving aircraft carriers into the Gulf region?" -- The Onion

Aug 25: "If it's possible, it's going to happen. If it's impossible, it's going to take a little longer." -- unknown

Aug 12: "If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got." -- anonymous

Aug 3: "Until political power and philosophy entirely coincide, cities will never have rest from evils." -- Plato

Jul 23: "I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting, but it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously." -- Douglas Adams

Jul 17: "We have fun pretending that we made that move up." -- Dalila Piña

Jul 8: "I always thought I was a Liberal. I came up terribly surprised when I found out that I was a Right-Wing Conservative Extremist." -- John Wayne

Jul 1: "Don't let your failures go to your heart, but don't let your successes go to your head." -- Daphne Reid

Jun 17: "To thine own self be true, for you are all you really know." -- me

Jun 11: "People are upset when he agrees with the president (he mustn't), and when he disagrees with the president (again, he mustn't)." -- Balint Vazsonyi

May 11: "Our fears regarding taxation revolve around the potential for increased corruption, as is over the case when additional layers of bureaucracy are positioned between those with power and those without." -- James Luceno in Cloak of Deception

May 6: "There's this thing that some people call 'perfection'; we call it 'Heather'." -- Mike Yanosy

May 3: "Homework's purpose is to reinforce knowledge. If knowledge doesn't need reinforcement, homework is needless intrusion." -- me

Apr 21: "Why shouldn't he break Babe Ruth's record? He's got more power than Stalin!" -- Casey Stengel

Apr 16: "This is the real Gore, on the assumption that such a creature exists independent of bare-knuckled ambition." -- Andrew Sullivan

Apr 14: "The value or worth of a man is, as of all other things, his price." -- Thomas Hobbes in Leviathan

Apr 13: "I never see any black twins. What's the deal here?" -- George Carlin in Napalm and Silly Putty

Apr 4: "Civilization is the process of setting man free from men." -- Ayn Rand in The Fountainhead

Apr 1: "It's not easy being a Dick, especially at the local library." -- Jennifer D'Angelo

Mar 27: "Life is one crazy thing after another. Love is two crazy things after each other." -- Jacqueline Gulledge

Mar 22: "Did you ever feel like the whole world is a black tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes?" -- George Gobel on the "Tonight Show"

Mar 17: "When nighttime electrical lighting was new, it was the poor who burned common candles. When electricity became easily accessible and practically free, candles at dinner became a sign of luxury." -- Kevin Kelly

Mar 13: "I am convinced that the larger incomes of the country would actually yield more revenue to the government if the basis of taxation were scientifically revised downward." -- President Calvin Coolidge, 1924.

Mar 12: "I'm gonna get a facelift, and then I'm gonna go over to Fox News." -- David Letterman, 3/11/2002

Mar 10: "I'm not letting ignorance stop me from expressing an opinion!" -- Glenn Reynolds

Mar 4: "I like my wine to match the color of my pee, not my blood." -- Nick Disabato

Feb 24: "I flatter myself that I am intelligent enough to realize that there are those who are smarter than me. They are the ones who concern me." -- Alan Dean Foster in Star Wars: The Approaching Storm

Feb 22: "Whoever said the G-spot is an urban legend is a jerkoff. It's there, in full effect, and deserves glowing attention. So, find it." -- Rachel Klein

Feb 19: "If [Democrats] succeed [with campaign finance reform], look for the appearance of John Galt around 2010 or so." -- Neal Boortz

Feb 11: "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -- Galileo Galilei

Feb 10: "That woman has a role in this house and that's to put food on the table!" -- Claire Ragsdale

Feb 4: "Many believe that governments can spend their way out of a recession. Never mind that Argentina and Japan met disaster following that course." -- George Reisman

Jan 23: "How fair is it to allow those who pay little or no taxes to use the political process to decide how much taxes others should pay?" -- Walter Williams

Jan 21: "The most incomprehensible fact about the universe is that it is comprehensible." -- Albert Einstein

Jan 19: "I have a problem with people that consider themselves more black than human, more hispanic than American, or more upper-class than part of society." -- Rose

Jan 17: "I am a Conservative to preserve all that is good in our constitution, a Radical to remove all that is bad. I seek to preserve property and to respect order, and I equally decry the appeal to the passions of the many of the prejudices of the few." -- Benjamin Disraeli, former British Prime Minister

Jan 12: "The difference between democratic republicanism and socialist communism is the difference between protecting and granting freedom and liberty." -- me

Jan 9: "Just when I convince myself that I am a superior being, I walk into a door." -- American proverb (hah)

Jan 5: "What's more important, the country or my political party? I stand here as a proud party man, but let me tell you something, the country is far more important." -- President George W. Bush (to a Republican audience!)

Jan 1: "The most dangerous perception of all may be that one's own side has an exclusive claim to either the truth or patriotism." -- Allen Pizzey

Dec 30-31: "Do I really believe that clear-thinking Americans don't care what color or ethnicity you are? Yes, I do. Clear-thinking Americans care only how you treat them as individuals... Don't ask me what percentage of Americans is 'clear-thinking'." -- Bill O'Reilly in The O'Reilly Factor

Dec 20-29: "Imagine a school with children that can read or write, but with teachers who cannot, and you have a metaphor of the Information Age in which we live." -- Peter Cochrane

Dec 15-19: "It will be a great day when our public schools teach our children half as well as the Pentagon trains our soldiers." -- Thad MacArthur

Dec 10-14: "This election department and the people in charge of it are making San Francisco the biggest laughingstock this side of Florida." -- Aaron Peskin

Dec 9: "The people have spoken. Now, let's be patient while we figure out what they have said." -- Bill Clinton on the 2000 Election

Dec 8: "The quick red plumber jumps over the lazy mushrooms." -- Cody Boisclair

Dec 7: "When you reach the point that you can convincingly argue both sides of an issue, you realize that 'feelings' should not be a factor." -- Tommy Thompson

Dec 5-6: "The Afghan man is a fighter willing to die for jihad." -- Mullah Mohammed Omar

Dec 5-6: "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." -- General George Patton

Dec 1-4: "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there." -- George Harrison

Nov 18-30: "Big Entertainment has made clear that it regards technology as a dangerous enemy that must be brought under control at all costs." -- Glenn Reynolds

Nov 17: "People do irrational things -- especially football fans." -- James Stogner

Nov 16: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -- Thomas Edison

Nov 13-15: "A few more buckets in an ocean of blood won't sink the product of 10,000 years of human history." -- Bjoern Staerk

Oct 26-Nov 5: "WHY IS IT SO BALLS-RETRACTINGLY COLD OUTSIDE?" -- Nick Disabato

Oct 23-25: "If you consider me a role model for your existence, fuck you." -- Nick Disabato

Oct 20-22: "Trust me, you do not want to be the next big winner of the scapegoat sweepstakes." -- Kevin Mitnick

Oct 11: "It's all about Jude Law; that man is distilled sex in a sex shaped container." -- Mary Jones

Oct 9-10: "The Golden Rule: He who has all the gold ... rules." -- Ben Tate

Oct 1-8: "The future of America is at stake. The risk of a U.S. overreaction, therefore, is negligible." -- Leonard Peikoff

Sep 27-30: "Reason and experience together must guide us; either may mislead us without aid of the other." -- me

Sep 19-26: "Life is one never-ending Simpsons quote." -- Gene Poole

Sep 15-18: "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought; I know that World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." -- Albert Einstein

Sep 14: "At least I didn't say 'I told you so' ... but I did, you know." -- Neal Boortz

Sep 9-13: "The speed of the tongue should always be some seconds behind the speed of thought, but certainly not the other way around." -- Yevgeny Zamyatin, We

Sep 5-8: "Zero tolerance has gone too far and...created a dangerous loop between school discipline and law enforcement." -- Kelley O. Beaucar

Sep 1-4: "Political correctness is tyranny with manners." -- Charlton Heston

Aug 30-31: "It makes perfect sense because it makes none at all." -- me

Aug 26-29: "Politicians are the same all over: they promise to build a bridge even where there is no river." -- Nikita Khrushchev

Aug 21-25: "I like a little rebellion now and then...the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants; it is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson

Aug 15-20: "When someone offends you, that's just a sure sign that you're uncomfortable, and that's exactly what the offender goes for." -- me

Aug 14: "Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day was for once working out so much according to plan. Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across fields of prehistoric Earth." -- Douglas Adams

Aug 9-13: "Violence is for those who can't handle diction!" -- 311

Aug 7-8: "I think Macon State College should be imploded and made into a really big Baskin Robins and a turtle pond." -- Claire Ragsdale

Aug 4-6: "Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl." -- Jack Woodford

Jul 30-Aug 3: "What if one monkey monkeys around with another monkey's monkey?" -- my dad

Jul 10-29: "It's people like you who get on the Columbine lists." -- Joseph K

Jul 6-9: "I can't believe we sent you over to America so you could inbreed and rebel." -- Mike Gavin

Jul 3-5: "I mean, it's not even ironic or funny in the least. It's fucking serious. Not a good quote." -- me

Jun 30-Jul 2: "Today is Saturday, but it feels like every other day of the week. Summer, I guess, is just one big long Saturday." -- Nick Disabato

Jun 29: "If I'm going to reach out to the Democrats, I need a third hand. I'm not letting go of my wallet or my gun while they're around." -- (unknown)

Jun 27-28: "Question everything, for a belief never questioned is no more than a curse." -- Erich Oelschlegel

Jun 26: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." -- Moulin Rouge

Jun 13-18: Ford: "Where does it say teleport?" Arthur: "Well, just over here in fact. Just under the word emergency, above the word system, and beside the sign saying out of order." -- Douglas Adams

Jun 13: "Never pick your girlfriend up by the boobs... you WILL regret it." -- Nathan Noler

Jun 13: "The sun is like everything else... its good until it burns your ass." -- Nathan Noler

Jun 13: "The best placed for a good kiss is pretty much dang anywhere." -- Nathan Noler

Jun 13: "Most jokes are only funny the first two-hundred seventy-three times you hear it." -- Nathan Noler

Jun 13: "A girl feels butterflies and sunshine when watching a love story; a guy feels that tingly sensation in his butt." -- Nathan Noler

Jun 11: "You can't pick me up by my boobs!" -- Jennifer

Jun 7-10: "She admitted that it would be awkward to date her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend's ex-boyfriend." -- Tony DiLascio

Jun 6: "He does not endorse anal sex, but we think he's an asshole." -- Technical Virgin

Jun 3-5: "If you can't read this, then I suggest you get that fixed." -- me, 6/3/2001, 2:13am

May 31-Jun 2: "Guns don't protect people. People protect people." -- some anti-gun idiot

May 26-30: "A false sense of reality is a valuable part of anyone's existence." -- me, talking to Anna, 5/26/2001

May 23-25: "A republic will collapse when the dumb masses realize they can vote for goodies for themselves." -- Neal Boortz, 5/23/2001

May 23: "Not everyone born free and equal, like the Constitution says, but everyone made equal." -- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

May 20-22: "A person is smart; people are dumb panicky dangerous animals and you know it." -- Tommy Lee Jones, Men in Black

May 19: "You should send that in to Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you." -- Arthur Dent (Douglas Adams)

May 15-18: "Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex." -- Karl Marx

May 14: "Look at them. Smell them. Make them roll around in your mouth." -- Biltmore Estate Winery video narrator

May 13: "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love love somebody else." -- unknown origin

May 8-12: "So what you're saying is that yours is longer and his is wider?" -- my sister

May 6-7: "They're too hard to figure out; I just like playing with them." -- my sister

May 1-5: "Three. People. Together. Sleeping. In. A. Bag." -- Tony's computer, March 4.

Apr 29-30: "The easiest path is almost never the best path." -- me

Apr 28: "And I was about to reach for 'em, too!" -- Anna Shepard

Apr 27: "I do not like balls coming at me." -- Madeline Kahn

Apr 23-26: "It looks like he's covered in genetic material!" -- Claire Ragsdale, watching Princess Mononoke

Apr 18-22: "In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Apr 14-17: "For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." -- Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Apr 9-13: "Procrastination is like masturbation: it feels good at first, but then you realize you're just screwing yourself." -- Lashonda Watts

Apr 8: "All that estrogen is just like cotton in their ears." -- John Pollard

Apr 5-7: "You and I are alike in that we both stick to our guns; the difference is ... mine are loaded." -- Gary Oldman in The Contender

Apr 1-4: "John Watson was born on April 1." "Oh! So John Watson's an April Fool!" -- Claire Ragsdale, Mike Yanosy

Mar 29-31: "I wish everyone was peaceful. Then I could take over the planet with a butter knife." -- Dogbert

Mar 26-28: "I can't say I'm going to tear up the world, but I've given myself the opportunity." -- Troy Percival, Angels relief pitcher

Mar 22-25: "The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities." -- Ayn Rand

Mar 18-21: "Study hard or hardly study, but commit to one of them." -- Hannah Rose, 11:30pm, 3/18/2001

Mar 14-17: "I'm going to go eat my mouth now." -- Lashonda Watts

Mar 12-13: "We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are." -- Herb Cohen

Mar 1-Mar 11: "I am a cunning linguist, so you will have to get over my diction." -- me, 1:00am, 2/28/2001

Feb 27-28: "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell

Feb 24-26: "My personal favorite Marvin Gaye song is 'Let's Get it On.' It makes me want to..." -- Claire Ragsdale

Feb 20-23: "If you and Claire have kids, they will have really big eyes." -- Matt Falkenberg

Feb 19: [I had something here for a day, but I replaced it before backing it up.]

Feb 17-18: "I had hardly any patience with the serious work of life which, now that it stood betwen me and my desire, seemed to me child's play, ugly monotonous child's play." -- James Joyce, in "Araby"

Feb 8-16: "I'm hoping you could keep her because I know you'd treat her right!" -- Tony DiLascio (begrudgingly)

Feb 5-7: (friend wonders who I am) Marie: "Is that your boyfriend?" Claire: "What, this?"

Feb 3-4: "I feel so vulnerable!" -- Jude Law in eXistenZ

Jan 26-Feb 2: "If teachers are in the habit of approaching a story as if it were a research problem for which any answer is believable so long as it is not obvious, then I think students will never learn to enjoy fiction." -- Flannery O'Connor

Jan 24-35: "Anything that can go wrong will, and when you least expect it." -- Murphy's Law

Jan 17-23: "Hairy legs are your only link to reality." -- Bonnie Hunt

Jan 14-16: "You'll say, 'The world has come between us. Our lives have come between us. Still I know you just don't care.' " -- Deep Blue Something

Jan 3-13: "Don't believe everything you read about yourself." -- Jon Katz

Jan 1-2: "Whose pants are those?" ... "Those aren't pants."

Dec 22-31: "word to your respective mothers" -- Nick Disabato

Dec 18-21: "Life's a bitch, but then again, so are you..." -- cr0bar

Dec 15-17: <@ch1ckie> but seriously crash, chicks are gonna like it with experienced guys, so get yer experience

Dec 11-14: "Life is sexually transmitted and considered by many to be always fatal. Get informed before you cause a potential catastrophe." -- Nick Disabato

Dec 10: "A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business." -- Henry Ford

Dec 8-9: "Although we may do as we will, we cannot will what we will." -- Arthur Schopenhauer

Dec 4-7: "There's no better time to waste than never." -- Mike Yanosy

Dec 1-3: Girl: "I got you! I won!" Guy: "It's easy to win when you're the only one that knows the rules."

Nov 27-30: "Isn't it fitting that the Democrats' mascot is a jackass?"

Nov 12-17: callipygian or callipygous (adj.): having beautifully proportioned buttocks. (from Greek kallipugos: kalli-, beautiful; puge, buttocks.)

Nov 1-11: "There is only one absolute truth. This is absolutely true." -- Gene Poole

Nov 1-11: "There is an exception to every rule. This rule is its exception." -- Mark Grismer

Oct 27-31: "Yankees suck."

Oct 8-16: "No, no, those are mine..." -- Mike Farinelli

Oct 1-7: "Better times are inevitable, but there isn't a whole lot wrong with this moment either."

Sep 24-30: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Sep 5-23: "Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody's watching."

Sep 4: "Where's my watch?!" -- Dalila Piña

Aug 16-Sep 3: "Give me fuel! Give me fire! Give me that which I desire!" -- Metallica

Jul 20-Aug 15: "I'll try, and I'll try my hardest, but I'm about to get off, and I don't want to be on this thing anymore." -- Brandy Hendrix

Jul 18-19: "Wow, in both your pictures you look like an opossum caught in the headlights." -- Bailee DesRocher

Jul 8-17: "I ain't never said nothing bout no car no ways." (quintuple negative, I'm particularly proud of that)

Jul 1-6: "Damnit man. The beer did not drink the monkey." -- me, can ya tell?

Jun 18-30: "Life is like a disease for which we are too eagerly searching to cure." -- me

Jun 1-17: "How do you know when you're done?" -- Bethany Boykin

May 21-31: "Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." -- Mohandas Gandhi

May 14-20: "You just had a near life experience!" -- Brad Pitt in Fight Club

May 6-13: "AFLAC!" -- the duck

May 1-5: "You must learn from your past mistakes, but not lean on your past successes." -- Denis Waitley

Apr 25-30: "It's not how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised; the mosquito is swatted."

Apr 21-24: "It takes courage to make a fool of yourself." -- Charlie Chaplin

Apr 17-20: "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend." -- Abraham Lincoln

Apr 12-16: "To understand the world one must not be worrying about one's self." -- Albert Einstein

Apr 1-11: "The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." -- Mark Twain

Mar 26-31: "Freedom is the opportunity to make decisions..." -- Kenneth Hildebrand

Mar 21-25: "Remember, your body is a temple; however, it is also your dancehall and bowling alley." -- Dharma Montgomery

Mar 16-20: "I've got white stuff on my face and you all over me!" -- Sarah Wiggins (describing a picture of us)

Mar 11-15: "It is better to have loved and won than to never have lost at all."

Mar 5-10: "In the beginning there was nothing. Then it exploded."

Mar 1-4: "I wanna be a porn star!" -- Zach Brock

Feb 26-29: "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from delivering wordy evidence of the fact."

Feb 25: "I just got this sudden impulse to take off my pants." -- Megan Middleton

Feb 22-24: "I wish women weren't so daggum confusing." -- Zach Brock

Feb 16-21: "Yo quiero Taco Bell." -- Paco the Chihuahua

Feb 11-15: "The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." -- Eden Phillpots

Feb 6-10: "A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time -- pills or stairs." -- Joan Welsh

Feb 1-5: "Sorrow is better than laughter, for by the sadness of the face the heart is made better." -- Ecclesiastes 7:3

Jan 27-31: "Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: it's lovely to be silly at the right moment." -- Horace

Jan 24-26: "Only a gay guy would get mad about a surprise birthday party." -- Scott Siebenaler

Jan 20-23: "I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?" -- James Thurber

Jan 15-19: "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs." (count 'em, all 26 letters are used)

Jan 7-14: "There is no pleasure in having nothig to do, but having lots to do and not doing it." -- Mary Little

Jan 1-6: "I used up all my sick days so I called in dead." -- my excuse over the holidays

Dec 28-31: "The old believe everything, the middle aged suspect everything, the young know everything." -- Oscar Wilde

Dec 25-27: "He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree."

Dec 22-24: "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -- Marie Curie

Dec 16-21: "Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown. It only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap them upside the head." -- Kyla Embrey

Dec 11-15: "Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is." -- Oscar Wilde

Dec 1-10: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Nov 25-30: "I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." -- James Bond

Nov 21-24: "I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem."

Nov 16-20: "Heal the past; live the present; dream the future." -- Michelle Flirt

Nov 11-15: "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

Nov 3-10: "Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence."

Oct 28- Nov. 2: "Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it." -- Ellen Glasgow

Oct 22-27: "There is no challenge more challenging than the challenge to improve yourself." -- Michael Staley

Oct 17-21: "Your mind is like a parachute, it works best when it's opened."

Oct 12-16: "Do, or do not. There is no try." -- Yoda, from Star Wars

Oct 6-11: "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."

Oct 1-5: "Stupidity is inate; intelligence is a result of curiosity." -- E.J. Wiesner

Sep 26-30: "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, today's a gift, that's why we call it the present." -- Kyla Embrey

Sep 20-25: "If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to." -- Dorthy Parker

Sep 15-20: "Men willingly believe what they wish." -- Julius Caesar (William Shakespeare)

Sep 10-15: "All man has learned from history is that man cannot learn from history."

Sep 6-10: "To be or not to be, so what's the question?"

Sep 1-5: "Life is like a box of chocolates -- a cheap, thoughtless gift that no one ever asks for." -- Smoking man (X-Files)

"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." -- P. J. O'Rourke

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." -- William S. Maugham

"We're all of us guinea pigs in the laboratory of God; humanity is a work in progress." -- Tennessee Williams

"Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money." -- Jules Renard

"To see, to sense, and to say. That is, perception, feeling, and the power to express in language observation and reaction."

"There are four ways in which we have contact with the world: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it."

"You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it." -- Samuel Butler